“So how do you get respect from engineers if you don’t write code?”

I’ve been asked this question twice now in the last few months, so I’ve changed my perspective from one of polite incomprehension to thinking that maybe this could do with being talked about. There seems to be this perception in certain technology circles (and from genuinely lovely people) that the only engineering managers who are innately worthy of respect are ones who could be sitting there writing code alongside the engineer,s and I have so many problems with this that I don’t even know where to start.

Actually, I do. I’ll start with saying that I’m not trying to make a case that you can be a competent engineering manager without knowing a fair bit about the domain. A technical background is a prerequisite, I think, for being able to perform at a high level in the role. What I am taking umbrage with is the idea that if your skills aren’t literally a superset of your teams (i.e. identical technical skill plus the nebulous ‘management stuff’ that engineers are aware of but most do not understand) then you’re deficient and somehow potentially unworthy of respect.

I’m not sure if my biggest issue is with the use of the word respect (it came up both times), or with the idea of people thinking that skill as an engineer has anything to do with whether you can lead and manage a team successfully. That if you can architect code well that you can somehow get a team motivated and marching towards a shared vision. I’ve been thinking on whether there is a less emotionally charged term that we could use for this discussion other than respect (something that I strongly believe everyone is innately worthy of), but synonyms such as credibility don’t make the question annoy me any less, so I’m guessing not.

To steal a phrase from Managing Humans (I do this a lot), becoming an engineering manager is a complete career reset, benefit of experience aside, in that you don’t use the same skills that you used to build code to build people and teams. Being a good manager has got more to do with having read and internalised a bunch of Jim Collins and Brene Brown books (amongst others, inevitable list article to follow) than whether you’re fluent in the latest programming languages. It requires you to face up to your own demons and neuroses and show up for people, day after day, often in ways that leave you feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable (words that are, after all, basically synonymous).

More than anything it requires you to be present. Management is the art of the moment, being able to really see what’s going on around you and inside you, without getting so distracted by one that you lose sight of the other. It asks you to show up to the eighth meeting of the day with the same energy and vitality as the first one, whether it’s a 1-1, a design review or a regular team meeting. Ultimately, it needs you really understand your values and the values of your organisation and to live them out, over and over again, even when you’re tired and don’t really want to.

The good thing is that in my experience when people see you do this they suddenly realise the false premise that the whole question is based on. People (even engineers ;) ) recognise the value of the connection and energy that this approach brings, that actually it’s these things that matter above all else. Which is handy, otherwise I’d have a much less interesting career!